Better to be Safe than Sorry
-Alisha
So funny story, the Smiths spent last night in the hospital. I had some possible amniotic fluid leak and after calling the hospital nurse, we were encouraged to come in. They did a million tests, found no amniotic fluid leak, did a ton of blood work, and did a quick ultrasound. Everything was fine, Rhett's heartbeat is perfection and I was not contracting, but I knew that. The only reason I even consented to going in was the little voice in my ear saying, "better safe than sorry." All I could think was "sorry about what, exactly?". When I could not answer that without anything other than something grievous, I decided we should go.
The ultrasound did show that my amniotic fluid was on the low side of normal but it could have just been Rhett's placement. We have a full ultrasound on the 8th and at that point they will do something called an AFI (Amniotic Fluid Index), meaning they will re-measure the fluid around our tiny human. If it is still on the low range, it will mean more monitoring and possibly an early delivery. But NOT any time soon, so nobody start panicking. Seriously, I need everyone to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. You got this, it will all be okay.
This little emergency trip did two things for us: 1) Make us both realize that we are TOTALLY unprepared for a hospital trip and eventual baby. No bags are packed, no plan, nothing really set up for him. It was a little fire under our rumps to get our 'ish together, like yesterday. We are working on that...tomorrow ha! AND 2) It reassured us that we totallllllyy picked the right hospital. We were the only couple in Labor and Delivery and got alllll of the attention. The residents were amazing, very carrying, and did NOTHING without my doctor's consent. My doctor is their teacher, so we knew that they were being taught by the best. We also got to tour the delivery room with the tub and we are in LOVE! There is usually only one birth per day at the hospital, so we will more than likely get that room. We were also thrilled at how quickly we were seen. We went into the ER side (we were the only people in there) and were brought RIGHT to the check in desk and then the L&D nurse came and got us. We spent 5 minutes MAX in the ER. Seriously? Amazing. We saw the doctor almost immediately after I was hooked up and my vitals were taken. It was like someone flew us into the twilight zone of hospitals, where patients didn't have to be patient. And they were super thorough without being ridiculous, which was amazing. Oh and if you are wondering why no one uses our hospital, it is because they tend to be less medicalized than the major women's hospital in our state. But women spend hours in the waiting room at that fancy women's hospital and if you water breaks in the waiting room, they hand you a towel. Our hospital doesn't even have a waiting room, lol! Good choice I think! Here is a little Kate tip: don't just deliver at the hospital that everyone else does. Look around, sometimes you will find a gem that will treat you like a human!
So that was our night. Rhett is good, I am good, and Alisha is tired. We got home around 5am (we got there about 2ish) and she PASSED out. Our doula wants me to take it easy, so poor Alisha will be running her butt off. Sorry boo, love you always!
Oh and here is our hospital birthing center if anyone is curious:
http://www.mhri.org/birthing-center/
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Of Storm Clouds and Rainbows
A Rainbow Baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
-Stephanie
I don't often feel comfortable using the term "rainbow baby" out loud for the baby moving, kicking, and hiccuping in my belly. That term has long been reserved for the women who have endured miscarriages and infant loss at birth, something I have not experienced. Many of those women do not think that our losses are comparable to theirs and since I have never experienced the loss of a child growing in my body, I cannot disagree with them. I only know the pain of losing babies that grew in my heart - that is my experience. But I often quietly whisper to Rhett that he is my "rainbow baby". He is my promise after the storm, my light after so much pain and suffering, my joy cometh. I really wanted to buy something to represent that rainbow baby-ness but I did not want to take something from those who have suffered miscarriages and infant loss. And then I saw this baby sling, and I cried.
See, it is a rainbow, but a different kind of rainbow. It isn't the typical ROYGBIV rainbow, it is different. What I see in these colors it is my experience. My loss is not the same as the women who have suffered miscarriage and infant loss, just as their loss is not mine. And maybe, in a sense, my rainbow baby is not quite the same, but he is still my "joy cometh in the morning" (Psalm 30:5), and I need a little reminder sometimes.
Here is the link if you want to see more pictures. Also, I love this shop, so many beautiful wraps!
https://www.etsy.com/listing/227345200/wrap-conversion-ring-sling-baby-carrier?ref=shop_home_active_2
-Stephanie
I don't often feel comfortable using the term "rainbow baby" out loud for the baby moving, kicking, and hiccuping in my belly. That term has long been reserved for the women who have endured miscarriages and infant loss at birth, something I have not experienced. Many of those women do not think that our losses are comparable to theirs and since I have never experienced the loss of a child growing in my body, I cannot disagree with them. I only know the pain of losing babies that grew in my heart - that is my experience. But I often quietly whisper to Rhett that he is my "rainbow baby". He is my promise after the storm, my light after so much pain and suffering, my joy cometh. I really wanted to buy something to represent that rainbow baby-ness but I did not want to take something from those who have suffered miscarriages and infant loss. And then I saw this baby sling, and I cried.
See, it is a rainbow, but a different kind of rainbow. It isn't the typical ROYGBIV rainbow, it is different. What I see in these colors it is my experience. My loss is not the same as the women who have suffered miscarriage and infant loss, just as their loss is not mine. And maybe, in a sense, my rainbow baby is not quite the same, but he is still my "joy cometh in the morning" (Psalm 30:5), and I need a little reminder sometimes.
So maybe one day I will get the nerve to buy this sling and wear my precious baby in it. Some people will see it as just a pretty sling, others may think it is some subtle gay pride thing, but I will know and will whisper to Rhett, "you are MY rainbow baby". Now don't pee on me.
Here is the link if you want to see more pictures. Also, I love this shop, so many beautiful wraps!
https://www.etsy.com/listing/227345200/wrap-conversion-ring-sling-baby-carrier?ref=shop_home_active_2
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Mother's Day
Mothers' Day?
-Me
Hey y'all! So I have a super introspective, emotional post for today but I am just going to save that one for another day. So instead, I will just some questions I am sure some of you are wondering (or not, I will just pretend you are).
Q: How do lesbian Moms celebrate Mother's/Mothers' Day?
A: Excellent question fictive asker. Bad news though, there is not a definite answer! Every family has their own customs and beliefs about the day. Some couples choose to celebrate both parents on the same day, doing a joint day. Some celebrate in the same weekend but on separate days, like Mama gets Saturday and Mom gets Sunday. Some skip it all together and just focus on grandma or just don't focus on anyone because it is a holiday created by the greeting card companies (or something).Some give one parent Mother's day and the other gets another day later in the year (like Father's Day).
Q: Well, how are you going to do it? Who are we supposed to be saying Happy Mother's Day to? Lesbians are confusing me.
A: Alisha and I have decided to celebrate me on Mother's Day and Alisha on Father's Day. So say it to me. Lesbians confuse me too, don't worry.
Q: Wait, is Alisha a Dad?
A: No, no, no y'all. Hold your horses. We are going to call it Bub's Day, just celebrated on Father's Day. We will also celebrate Alisha's Dad that day.
Q: What the heck is a Bub?
A: Alisha.
Q: Oh, well that cleared it up. Umm, why doesn't Alisha want Mother's Day?
A: Well, it came down to logic and presents. What kind of gifts are available on Mother's Day? Perfume, candy, flowers, lotion...those are all Kate things. Father's Day? Power tools, electronics, fishing gear, socks...totally all Alisha things. So it just made sense. I could try to explain that Alisha feels more like a parent than a Mom, but I really don't want y'alls heads to start spinning.
So is everything cleared up? Got questions? You know what to do!
Oh and if you are still reading and struggling with this day, I feel you. I have been there and to be honest, a huge chunk of me is still there. Hang in there and eat a significant amount of icecream right from the tub. You deserve it.
Oh and if you are still reading and struggling with this day, I feel you. I have been there and to be honest, a huge chunk of me is still there. Hang in there and eat a significant amount of icecream right from the tub. You deserve it.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Do We Need More Baby Stuff??
"Something to sleep in, something to poop in, something to cover their body, and something to eat from, that is all you need!"
- Some comment I read once
So I am beginning to worry that we do not have enough baby gear. Like we do not have a bouncer, do we need that? We don't really have room for a glider, will the baby be okay without it? We don't have a tummy time mat yet, do they need that from birth? I just feel like we have to buy it all! Here is what we have so far, what are we missing?
Sleeping/Room Gear
-Crib and Mattress
-Crib Bedding
- Some comment I read once
So I am beginning to worry that we do not have enough baby gear. Like we do not have a bouncer, do we need that? We don't really have room for a glider, will the baby be okay without it? We don't have a tummy time mat yet, do they need that from birth? I just feel like we have to buy it all! Here is what we have so far, what are we missing?
Sleeping/Room Gear
-Crib and Mattress
-Crib Bedding
-Extra Sheets (3)
-Matress Protector
-Dresser
-Changing pad and covers (3)
-Rock-N-Play (using as a bassinet)
-Dresser
-Changing pad and covers (3)
-Rock-N-Play (using as a bassinet)
-Nautical Themed decor
-Video Monitor
-Regular Monitor
Baby Holding Gear
-Swing (rocks side to side and back and front)
-Newborn to toddler portable rocker thing
-Ergo Sport
Baby Holding Gear
-Swing (rocks side to side and back and front)
-Newborn to toddler portable rocker thing
-Ergo Sport
-Sling
-Travel System (includes infant carseat)
-Travel System (includes infant carseat)
-Baby Bath
Feeding Gear
-Boobs (2)
-Hygenia Breast Pump
-Milk Bags (I'm not sure how many)
-Bottles (4)
-Pacifiers (4)
-Reusable Nursing Pads
-Udder Cover
Cloth Diapers
Clothing items total: 221
Clothes Newborn
-8 Onesies
-4 PJs
-4 Pants/shorts
Clothes 0-3
-34 Long sleeved onesies
-29 Short sleeved onesies
-12 PJs
-8 Jeans/Khakis
-8 Cotton Pants
-7 Jackets/Hoodies
-4 Shirts
-3 Overalls
-2 Shorts
-2 Rompers
Clothes 3 months +
- 30 Various items
Etc Clothes
-27 pairs of socks
-18 Bibs
-14 Hats
- 6 Pairs mittens
-1 Pair shoes
-1 Knitted photo outfit
-1 Pair baby leg warmers
Blankets etc
-7 Burp rags
-6 Receiving Blankets
-6 Wash cloths
-3 Hooded towels
-3 Minky Blankets
-2 Muslin Blankets
-2 Swaddle Me
Cloth Diapers
-2 Diaper Bags
-10 newborn AIOs
-8 Onesize AIOs
-10 newborn AIOs
-8 Onesize AIOs
-11 AI2 covers
-1 Onesize cover
-5 Newborn covers
-2 Size two covers
-24 Small AI2 inserts
-24 Prefolds
-6 Flats
-3 Snappis
-5 Wetbags
-Cloth diaper friendly diaper creams
-120 size newborn and size 1 sposies as needed
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
A Woman Who Serves
"In my opinion, they are worth every penny!"
-Dr. Morton
Hey y'all! So sorry this post is like a week late. I am wrapping up graduate school and it has been quite intense. So here is the baby Smith update....
First of all, can I just say how much I love my OB? I really wanted midwifery care, but it was just not in the cards this pregnancy (none of the home birth midwives here take insurance). I am so lucky that we found Dr. Morton because he pretty much is a midwife. I jokingly said that if this pregnancy and delivery went well, I would want to birth the next one at home. His response? "Sounds good to me, I figured. I am the homebirth midwives' backup OB". Not some crazy rant, not a lecture, just yep, good deal. I am so lucky.
He handed Alisha the Doppler when he walked in and she thought she just had to hold it but NOPE! Dr. Morton taught her how to find the baby's heart rate. It was an amazing experience to have my hersband find our baby's heartbeat and Alisha really got a kick out of it. The baby's heart rate was right around 150, so beating away!
Before the Doppler, we sat and talked for a good hour about everything I have been experiencing (read: projectile vomiting) and he was so kind and understanding. I had been worried about asking for medication for my crazy stomach, but he quickly offered it. For almost all of my life, I have been blamed for every aliment I have ever had. It MUST be my weight, since weight can be blamed for everything, right? Ugh. Anyways, he never mentions my weight, ever. I have NOT been gaining weight but losing (that is a new one) and he just said not to stress about it. He never blames me or asks me for a play by play of everything I eat, he just says "it's okay".
I have really struggled with food this pregnancy. First of all, everything hurts my stomach or causes me to throw up. But secondly, I am so worried that anything I eat will cause irrevocable harm to this baby. I have been socialized to think that my body is too fat to handle a baby, that I will most certainly get gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. Even my Mom only asks how my blood pressure is, which is perfect btw. So I am not only trying to avoid anything that makes me sick (dairy, citrus, tomato sauces, red meat, fried food, anything with flavor) but sugar, carbs, and salt too. Basically, I eat...broccoli, peaches, and drink a cherry coke once a week (I eat more than that btw, don't yell). I even beat myself up about the peaches, could they give me GD? Could I be killing my baby? WHY am I worrying so much? Stupid self fat shame. Okay, enough of that! Geeze, hush Kate.
Near the end of the conversation with Dr. Morton, we asked him if a doula was something worth investing in and he said, "hands down, yes, get one". We have been worried about it because lesbereal, they aren't cheap! I have been sucky at Jamberry lately because of school and we are trying to save money, you know, since we are having a kid and all. But he really expressed how important they are (see I told you, he isn't a real doctor).
For those of you that do not know, doulas provide one on one labor support during all stages of labor. Unlike nurses, YOU are their only person. No shift changes, no random person, just strong and steady. They do not replace your partner, but rather work to support him or her throughout the labor process. Historically, women did not birth alone. They were surrounded by their mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and women in the community. Since we have moved away from the village/tribe (shout out Kari), those supports are not available. And lesbereal, I cannot see my Mom being up for natural labor support. If she knew we were hypnobirting, she would probably call me crazy. So, our society now pays for the support and I can handle that. When you break it down to dollars and cents, you really are getting a HUGE bang for your buck. We are looking at spending right around $800 and for all the hours you get, plus a home visit after the baby is born, it is totally worth it. Plus they have been proven to reduce c-section and intervention rates (thesis topic, lol) so that is worth every penny. Although I cannot see my doctor pressuring me into a c-section, the doula will make me less nervous about it. So I think it is a good deal, what about you?
I am doing a Mystery Hostess Jamberry Party to help offset the cost some if anyone is interested:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1628755304025511/
One last thing for all those who are STILL reading. Alisha really wants to find out the sex of the baby next week. Like REALLY wants to. So it may happen. I am still on the fence so, no promises. I wonder if Jessi is still reading this far...Oh and NEXT post will have new ultrasound pictures, EKKK!
I am just going to end this post with a little reminder to myself....
-Dr. Morton
Hey y'all! So sorry this post is like a week late. I am wrapping up graduate school and it has been quite intense. So here is the baby Smith update....
First of all, can I just say how much I love my OB? I really wanted midwifery care, but it was just not in the cards this pregnancy (none of the home birth midwives here take insurance). I am so lucky that we found Dr. Morton because he pretty much is a midwife. I jokingly said that if this pregnancy and delivery went well, I would want to birth the next one at home. His response? "Sounds good to me, I figured. I am the homebirth midwives' backup OB". Not some crazy rant, not a lecture, just yep, good deal. I am so lucky.
He handed Alisha the Doppler when he walked in and she thought she just had to hold it but NOPE! Dr. Morton taught her how to find the baby's heart rate. It was an amazing experience to have my hersband find our baby's heartbeat and Alisha really got a kick out of it. The baby's heart rate was right around 150, so beating away!
Before the Doppler, we sat and talked for a good hour about everything I have been experiencing (read: projectile vomiting) and he was so kind and understanding. I had been worried about asking for medication for my crazy stomach, but he quickly offered it. For almost all of my life, I have been blamed for every aliment I have ever had. It MUST be my weight, since weight can be blamed for everything, right? Ugh. Anyways, he never mentions my weight, ever. I have NOT been gaining weight but losing (that is a new one) and he just said not to stress about it. He never blames me or asks me for a play by play of everything I eat, he just says "it's okay".
I have really struggled with food this pregnancy. First of all, everything hurts my stomach or causes me to throw up. But secondly, I am so worried that anything I eat will cause irrevocable harm to this baby. I have been socialized to think that my body is too fat to handle a baby, that I will most certainly get gestational diabetes and preeclampsia. Even my Mom only asks how my blood pressure is, which is perfect btw. So I am not only trying to avoid anything that makes me sick (dairy, citrus, tomato sauces, red meat, fried food, anything with flavor) but sugar, carbs, and salt too. Basically, I eat...broccoli, peaches, and drink a cherry coke once a week (I eat more than that btw, don't yell). I even beat myself up about the peaches, could they give me GD? Could I be killing my baby? WHY am I worrying so much? Stupid self fat shame. Okay, enough of that! Geeze, hush Kate.
Near the end of the conversation with Dr. Morton, we asked him if a doula was something worth investing in and he said, "hands down, yes, get one". We have been worried about it because lesbereal, they aren't cheap! I have been sucky at Jamberry lately because of school and we are trying to save money, you know, since we are having a kid and all. But he really expressed how important they are (see I told you, he isn't a real doctor).
For those of you that do not know, doulas provide one on one labor support during all stages of labor. Unlike nurses, YOU are their only person. No shift changes, no random person, just strong and steady. They do not replace your partner, but rather work to support him or her throughout the labor process. Historically, women did not birth alone. They were surrounded by their mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and women in the community. Since we have moved away from the village/tribe (shout out Kari), those supports are not available. And lesbereal, I cannot see my Mom being up for natural labor support. If she knew we were hypnobirting, she would probably call me crazy. So, our society now pays for the support and I can handle that. When you break it down to dollars and cents, you really are getting a HUGE bang for your buck. We are looking at spending right around $800 and for all the hours you get, plus a home visit after the baby is born, it is totally worth it. Plus they have been proven to reduce c-section and intervention rates (thesis topic, lol) so that is worth every penny. Although I cannot see my doctor pressuring me into a c-section, the doula will make me less nervous about it. So I think it is a good deal, what about you?
I am doing a Mystery Hostess Jamberry Party to help offset the cost some if anyone is interested:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1628755304025511/
One last thing for all those who are STILL reading. Alisha really wants to find out the sex of the baby next week. Like REALLY wants to. So it may happen. I am still on the fence so, no promises. I wonder if Jessi is still reading this far...Oh and NEXT post will have new ultrasound pictures, EKKK!
I am just going to end this post with a little reminder to myself....
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Hypno Huh?
"Enjoy your baby's birth in comfort, joy, and love..."
-Hypnobabies
So per my OB's recommendation, I started the hypnobabies CDs today. Alisha, LuLu, and Ellie joined in and enjoyed a deep state of relaxation. Me, notsomuch. It is going to take a TON of practice for me to let go of all the fear and anxiety I have built up (more on that in a future post). I really want to take an in person class, but I cannot seem to find one locally, boo hiss! Here is the self study program I am doing now if you are curious: https://www.hypnobabies.com/
But anyways, I really do like the idea of re-framing birth to be a more positive experience. My Mom hated ALL of her births. She wanted meds but Dad wouldn't "let" her. Those who know me know I HATE that line. Although I want a natural birth it is what I want. I feel that if I maintain my autonomy over my body, I will have a much happier birth. And I think it should be the same for everyone, everyone should have the autonomy to make their OWN birth choices. You want meds? Go for it sista! All natural in a birth tub? Go for it sista! The only best birth is your birth with your choices and autonomy remaining intact. Sorry, off the soapbox now.
Anyways, Alisha and I were watching a hypnobirthing video and the instructor had her students wear an "Only happy birth stories button" and I loved the idea! Here is the video if you want to watch it: Hypnobirth Intro. I am not really showing right now, but I plan on getting one of those when I do start showing. I also changed my profile picture to the image below, even though I said I wanted to keep baby stuff off facebook. I know that some people have not had the best births and telling your birth story is important. However, when you tell your story to incite fear in others (fear mongering, ugh), that is when it becomes hurtful. So I want to surround myself with the happiest birth stories I can find.
So if you have a happy birth story and you want to tell me, please do! Like Amanda W's super fast, grunting like our ancestors, water birth, yes! Tell me more! Tell me what made you feel empowered, strong, and surrounded by peace. My baby and I want to hear that. And if you want to tell me something you wish you did (not epidurals or drugs though, please), I would love to hear those tips as well.
-Hypnobabies
So per my OB's recommendation, I started the hypnobabies CDs today. Alisha, LuLu, and Ellie joined in and enjoyed a deep state of relaxation. Me, notsomuch. It is going to take a TON of practice for me to let go of all the fear and anxiety I have built up (more on that in a future post). I really want to take an in person class, but I cannot seem to find one locally, boo hiss! Here is the self study program I am doing now if you are curious: https://www.hypnobabies.com/
 |
| LuLu enjoying hypnobabies |
But anyways, I really do like the idea of re-framing birth to be a more positive experience. My Mom hated ALL of her births. She wanted meds but Dad wouldn't "let" her. Those who know me know I HATE that line. Although I want a natural birth it is what I want. I feel that if I maintain my autonomy over my body, I will have a much happier birth. And I think it should be the same for everyone, everyone should have the autonomy to make their OWN birth choices. You want meds? Go for it sista! All natural in a birth tub? Go for it sista! The only best birth is your birth with your choices and autonomy remaining intact. Sorry, off the soapbox now.
Anyways, Alisha and I were watching a hypnobirthing video and the instructor had her students wear an "Only happy birth stories button" and I loved the idea! Here is the video if you want to watch it: Hypnobirth Intro. I am not really showing right now, but I plan on getting one of those when I do start showing. I also changed my profile picture to the image below, even though I said I wanted to keep baby stuff off facebook. I know that some people have not had the best births and telling your birth story is important. However, when you tell your story to incite fear in others (fear mongering, ugh), that is when it becomes hurtful. So I want to surround myself with the happiest birth stories I can find.
So if you have a happy birth story and you want to tell me, please do! Like Amanda W's super fast, grunting like our ancestors, water birth, yes! Tell me more! Tell me what made you feel empowered, strong, and surrounded by peace. My baby and I want to hear that. And if you want to tell me something you wish you did (not epidurals or drugs though, please), I would love to hear those tips as well.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Ultrasound Pictures
Hey y'all, for everyone that does not wanna read my rant post, feast your eyes on some baby Smith pictures! Here is what we have from the embryo to 12 weeks! Oh and our 12 week ultrasound is so crappy because our baby moves around like crazy! Our next ultrasound is April 8th, mark your calendars!
Mommy Fear Mongering
"He went to med school. He's an expert on medicine, not car seat safety"
- Car Seat Group
Coming from the super supportive, we will hold you hand, pray for you, sing kumbaya with you, infertility groups to the Mommy groups has been an utter and complete shock. Everything you do could kill your baby, you are a terrible mother, your instincts are useless, and your doctor is an idiot. If you do not eat the "rainbow" at every meal (vegetables of every color) while pregnant you are most certainly going to have a child with obesity. It doesn't matter that everything you eat that isn't potatoes and bland chicken gives you heartburn, your baby is more important than your own comfort. Oh you can't afford to buy a plane ticket for your baby to attend your brother's funeral and plan to have a lap baby? Well, you cannot go, your baby will die on the plane. Sorry that you will not be able to say goodbye to your brother. Oh you want statistics on how many babies die in plane turbulence? BLOCKED from group. You plan on going back to work and formula feeding? You are lazy Mom. You should probably just put your kid up for adoption right now.
Yes, all of these things, eating right, using a car seat on a plane, and breast feeding are all good and safe ideas. No one could ever argue that. However, the science on many of these "best practices" is weak at best. I hate to say it, but even the FAA says that using car seats on planes only reduces the risk of death by 0.4 deaths per year. And study after study has said that both breast feeding and formula feeding produces happy, healthy babies. But this post isn't really about the statistics, people won't believe me anyways, this is about fear mongering and Mommy meanness.
Fear mongering "is the use of fear to influence the opinions and actions of others towards some specific end" (Wiki, whatever, I'm lazy). And Mommy groups are full of it. I have never seen a group of people tell other people that they will undoubtedly harm or murder another group for doing on not doing a specific act. Okay, maybe if there was a drunk driving group, I am sure there would be plenty of warranted fear mongering in there. Somehow, Mommies have LOST the ability to talk to other Moms with respect, love, and compassion. Somehow they forgot how to hold hands and sing kumbaya and tell them, "it is going to be okay, let's work through this". They don't give options or ideas, just screaming and yelling. They just tell the poster that if they do not do a specific act, they WILL kill or harm their baby. They then send them videos and links sharing all the dangers, which are intended to incite horror, shame, and fear, not provide useful knowledge. And lawd, I haven't EVEN gotten into the groups about toddler raising, feeding your kids, and disciple yet because I am afraid of what I will read.
No one wants to put their child at risk for death, no one. But we have to find a balance between real life and bubble life. Now that I am pregnant, I know that my every fear revolves around hurting this tiny little human inside of me. I am afraid of everything already, I need Moms that will help make me feel a little bit better, not a lot of bit worse. And to be honest, I am lucky. I have Mom friends that tell me to drink a dang soda if I want it and take a Zantac, but other Moms are not so lucky. Those Moms will be told that soda will MOST definitely give them gestational diabetes and hurt their unborn baby and that Zantac causes birth defects or something. Please for the love of Pete, be KIND to one another. Stop scaring the living crap out of people because they cannot afford a $400 car seat, to take a year off work, or to eat everything organic. Help them find ways to make it work, not just "too bad, so sad, that is the only way." Oh and please post evidence based research if you are going to give advice. For example: rear facing until two, totally evidence based. Good job! Help Moms do that to the best of their ability, both don't scare them into it. For example, send them the statistics on it and maybe a couple affordable ERF car seats that you love, not a youtube video of a baby who died because they were not rear faced. We all are afraid enough already, don't make it worse.
* Sidenote, all these things I talked about in this blog, we plan on doing. I feel like I have to make that statement because I know I will be called a BAD MOM if that is unclear. I am also not arguing that people should not breastfeed or use car seats in planes, at all. I am just saying that we have to work to help our Mommy friends not scare the living hell out of them.
- Car Seat Group
Coming from the super supportive, we will hold you hand, pray for you, sing kumbaya with you, infertility groups to the Mommy groups has been an utter and complete shock. Everything you do could kill your baby, you are a terrible mother, your instincts are useless, and your doctor is an idiot. If you do not eat the "rainbow" at every meal (vegetables of every color) while pregnant you are most certainly going to have a child with obesity. It doesn't matter that everything you eat that isn't potatoes and bland chicken gives you heartburn, your baby is more important than your own comfort. Oh you can't afford to buy a plane ticket for your baby to attend your brother's funeral and plan to have a lap baby? Well, you cannot go, your baby will die on the plane. Sorry that you will not be able to say goodbye to your brother. Oh you want statistics on how many babies die in plane turbulence? BLOCKED from group. You plan on going back to work and formula feeding? You are lazy Mom. You should probably just put your kid up for adoption right now.
Yes, all of these things, eating right, using a car seat on a plane, and breast feeding are all good and safe ideas. No one could ever argue that. However, the science on many of these "best practices" is weak at best. I hate to say it, but even the FAA says that using car seats on planes only reduces the risk of death by 0.4 deaths per year. And study after study has said that both breast feeding and formula feeding produces happy, healthy babies. But this post isn't really about the statistics, people won't believe me anyways, this is about fear mongering and Mommy meanness.
Fear mongering "is the use of fear to influence the opinions and actions of others towards some specific end" (Wiki, whatever, I'm lazy). And Mommy groups are full of it. I have never seen a group of people tell other people that they will undoubtedly harm or murder another group for doing on not doing a specific act. Okay, maybe if there was a drunk driving group, I am sure there would be plenty of warranted fear mongering in there. Somehow, Mommies have LOST the ability to talk to other Moms with respect, love, and compassion. Somehow they forgot how to hold hands and sing kumbaya and tell them, "it is going to be okay, let's work through this". They don't give options or ideas, just screaming and yelling. They just tell the poster that if they do not do a specific act, they WILL kill or harm their baby. They then send them videos and links sharing all the dangers, which are intended to incite horror, shame, and fear, not provide useful knowledge. And lawd, I haven't EVEN gotten into the groups about toddler raising, feeding your kids, and disciple yet because I am afraid of what I will read.
No one wants to put their child at risk for death, no one. But we have to find a balance between real life and bubble life. Now that I am pregnant, I know that my every fear revolves around hurting this tiny little human inside of me. I am afraid of everything already, I need Moms that will help make me feel a little bit better, not a lot of bit worse. And to be honest, I am lucky. I have Mom friends that tell me to drink a dang soda if I want it and take a Zantac, but other Moms are not so lucky. Those Moms will be told that soda will MOST definitely give them gestational diabetes and hurt their unborn baby and that Zantac causes birth defects or something. Please for the love of Pete, be KIND to one another. Stop scaring the living crap out of people because they cannot afford a $400 car seat, to take a year off work, or to eat everything organic. Help them find ways to make it work, not just "too bad, so sad, that is the only way." Oh and please post evidence based research if you are going to give advice. For example: rear facing until two, totally evidence based. Good job! Help Moms do that to the best of their ability, both don't scare them into it. For example, send them the statistics on it and maybe a couple affordable ERF car seats that you love, not a youtube video of a baby who died because they were not rear faced. We all are afraid enough already, don't make it worse.
* Sidenote, all these things I talked about in this blog, we plan on doing. I feel like I have to make that statement because I know I will be called a BAD MOM if that is unclear. I am also not arguing that people should not breastfeed or use car seats in planes, at all. I am just saying that we have to work to help our Mommy friends not scare the living hell out of them.
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Asked and Answered
"He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question is a fool forever."
-Chinese Proverb
I know some of you have questions that you are DYING to ask but aren't comfortable asking, so I am posting some questions I think you may have and posting some questions we have gotten recently.
Question: So are you pregnant? I just wanted to make sure.
Answer: Yep, totally pregnant, 16 weeks as of this post. I am due August 31st. And yes, Kate is the one who is pregnant, in case that is not clear.
Question: But, ummm, HOW are you pregnant?
Answer: We did In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). You know, a test tube baby. If you want to read more, check out this link: http://americanpregnancy.org/infertility/in-vitro-fertilization
Question: Do you know the father of the baby?
Answer: We actually prefer the term "donor" and no we do not. We selected him from sperm bank and he met some very specific health criteria (no family history of cancer, mental illness, or heart disease) along with some cosmetic and personality traits. We chose a donor that has straight brownish blonde hair and blue eyes like Alisha and shares some of her strengths (like Math) and hobbies (like music). Although these were secondary to the health characteristics, we were lucky we found someone that matched all of our requirements.
Question: Who's egg did you use?
Answer: Kate's. Although we really wanted to use Alisha's eggs, she just could not go to all the doctor's appointments required. Kate was at the doctor every other day for ultrasound and blood work for three weeks. There was NO way Alisha could take that much time off work. Also, Alisha isn't the best at medical stuff. She was great at jabbing me with needles though, kudos. It wasn't a deal breaker for us anyways, Alisha is 100% the second parent of this baby.
Question: So, will Alisha be the legal second parent?
Answer: Yep! Since she is Kate's legal spouse, she gets to be on the birth certificate and everything. Depending on the outcome of the SCOTUS case in June, we may not have to take any additional steps.
Question: So, isn't IVF really expensive? How did you afford it?
Answer: Heck YES it is expensive but we moved to one of the few states that mandates that insurance cover infertility treatment including IVF. There would have been no way we could have afforded this living in Texas. We did have to pay co-insurances though, paid fully by my Jamberry commissions. So thank you for all your orders ;) Enter shameless plug here: http://katesmith.jamberrynails.net/
Question: Did it work the first time?
Answer: That is a loaded question. We kinda had one and a half cycles. The first one, my meds were wrong and I did not produce any eggs. The second time, they fixed my meds and we got plenty of eggs and five healthy embryos. We transferred one of those embryos and that is the baby I am pregnant with! So I got pregnant on our first full IVF cycle.
Question: What are you going to do with all those other embryos? You know life begins at conception Katie.
Answer: Yes, we know Mom. We are going to transfer them all, not all at once though, I would die! There is a chance that not all will survive freezing or transfer but if they do, we will have five babies. Yeah. Five.
Question: What is wrong with you?
Answer: Some people say I am dramatic, but I prefer "intensely invested in the situation."
Question: No, I mean, what's wrong with your parts?
Answer: Oh, sure. Right. Technically, I have "unknown infertility". I don't have PCOS or any other infertility issues, which is why my first cycle didn't get off the ground. They were treating me like I had PCOS and I don't. Just google PCOS, it is way too much to explain! My biggest infertility issue is lack of access to free sperm. Straight girls are lucky in that regard.
Question: Are you finding out the gender of the baby?
Answer: Well, the child won't reveal their gender until adolescence, sometimes earlier. Oh! You mean sex? Right, sorry. We will find out when the baby is born, as will you. Sorry Jessi.
Question: Where are you registered?
Answer: We aren't. We honestly and truly do not need anything for the baby at all. Since we have had two failed adoptions, we have it all (and too much). Wait, I lied, technically we are registered at Nicki's Diapers because Alisha is addicted to cloth diapering, but don't worry about that lol. This also means we do not plan on having a shower, for lots of reasons. We would, however, love, love, LOVE for our Florida people to join us for a meet and greet and joy sharing session with baby Smith when we are home for Christmas. As of right now, we will be in Panama City the days before and including Christmas Eve and in Ocala for Christmas Day and the days after. We do not have details on this yet but we will try to figure something out if people are interested.
Oh and I realize that some people just realllllyyy want to buy us gifts before the baby is born and we really appreciate and understand that. I mean, we aren't going to turn anything down! Paaa-lleeezzee, lol. Southwest giftcards would be an amazing blessing since we will be traveling for Christmas and who doesn't love baby clothes? Good luck finding gender neutral stuff though, geeeeezzee! We do have a TON of newborn and 0-3 stuff, so maybe buy older? I don't know how babies really work to be honest. We just don't want anyone, especially those who bought gifts for our failed adoptions, to feel like the HAVE to or SHOULD buy us gifts. Does that make sense?
If you have more questions, PLEASE send me a message or even comment below. I promise I will answer them the best way I can!!!
And yes, I totally know I switched back and forth from first and third person. Totally annoying, right? Blame it on pregnancy brain. I am sure there are TONS of typos in this too. I will fix it when Alisha tells me all the mistakes I made.
This was one of Alisha's edits. Lawd:
http://www.nickisdiapers.com/giftregistry_home.asp?action=view&id=36223
-Kate
-Chinese Proverb
I know some of you have questions that you are DYING to ask but aren't comfortable asking, so I am posting some questions I think you may have and posting some questions we have gotten recently.
Question: So are you pregnant? I just wanted to make sure.
Answer: Yep, totally pregnant, 16 weeks as of this post. I am due August 31st. And yes, Kate is the one who is pregnant, in case that is not clear.
Question: But, ummm, HOW are you pregnant?
Answer: We did In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). You know, a test tube baby. If you want to read more, check out this link: http://americanpregnancy.org/infertility/in-vitro-fertilization
Question: Do you know the father of the baby?
Answer: We actually prefer the term "donor" and no we do not. We selected him from sperm bank and he met some very specific health criteria (no family history of cancer, mental illness, or heart disease) along with some cosmetic and personality traits. We chose a donor that has straight brownish blonde hair and blue eyes like Alisha and shares some of her strengths (like Math) and hobbies (like music). Although these were secondary to the health characteristics, we were lucky we found someone that matched all of our requirements.
Question: Who's egg did you use?
Answer: Kate's. Although we really wanted to use Alisha's eggs, she just could not go to all the doctor's appointments required. Kate was at the doctor every other day for ultrasound and blood work for three weeks. There was NO way Alisha could take that much time off work. Also, Alisha isn't the best at medical stuff. She was great at jabbing me with needles though, kudos. It wasn't a deal breaker for us anyways, Alisha is 100% the second parent of this baby.
Question: So, will Alisha be the legal second parent?
Answer: Yep! Since she is Kate's legal spouse, she gets to be on the birth certificate and everything. Depending on the outcome of the SCOTUS case in June, we may not have to take any additional steps.
Question: So, isn't IVF really expensive? How did you afford it?
Answer: Heck YES it is expensive but we moved to one of the few states that mandates that insurance cover infertility treatment including IVF. There would have been no way we could have afforded this living in Texas. We did have to pay co-insurances though, paid fully by my Jamberry commissions. So thank you for all your orders ;) Enter shameless plug here: http://katesmith.jamberrynails.net/
Question: Did it work the first time?
Answer: That is a loaded question. We kinda had one and a half cycles. The first one, my meds were wrong and I did not produce any eggs. The second time, they fixed my meds and we got plenty of eggs and five healthy embryos. We transferred one of those embryos and that is the baby I am pregnant with! So I got pregnant on our first full IVF cycle.
Question: What are you going to do with all those other embryos? You know life begins at conception Katie.
Answer: Yes, we know Mom. We are going to transfer them all, not all at once though, I would die! There is a chance that not all will survive freezing or transfer but if they do, we will have five babies. Yeah. Five.
Question: What is wrong with you?
Answer: Some people say I am dramatic, but I prefer "intensely invested in the situation."
Question: No, I mean, what's wrong with your parts?
Answer: Oh, sure. Right. Technically, I have "unknown infertility". I don't have PCOS or any other infertility issues, which is why my first cycle didn't get off the ground. They were treating me like I had PCOS and I don't. Just google PCOS, it is way too much to explain! My biggest infertility issue is lack of access to free sperm. Straight girls are lucky in that regard.
Question: Are you finding out the gender of the baby?
Answer: Well, the child won't reveal their gender until adolescence, sometimes earlier. Oh! You mean sex? Right, sorry. We will find out when the baby is born, as will you. Sorry Jessi.
Question: Where are you registered?
Answer: We aren't. We honestly and truly do not need anything for the baby at all. Since we have had two failed adoptions, we have it all (and too much). Wait, I lied, technically we are registered at Nicki's Diapers because Alisha is addicted to cloth diapering, but don't worry about that lol. This also means we do not plan on having a shower, for lots of reasons. We would, however, love, love, LOVE for our Florida people to join us for a meet and greet and joy sharing session with baby Smith when we are home for Christmas. As of right now, we will be in Panama City the days before and including Christmas Eve and in Ocala for Christmas Day and the days after. We do not have details on this yet but we will try to figure something out if people are interested.
Oh and I realize that some people just realllllyyy want to buy us gifts before the baby is born and we really appreciate and understand that. I mean, we aren't going to turn anything down! Paaa-lleeezzee, lol. Southwest giftcards would be an amazing blessing since we will be traveling for Christmas and who doesn't love baby clothes? Good luck finding gender neutral stuff though, geeeeezzee! We do have a TON of newborn and 0-3 stuff, so maybe buy older? I don't know how babies really work to be honest. We just don't want anyone, especially those who bought gifts for our failed adoptions, to feel like the HAVE to or SHOULD buy us gifts. Does that make sense?
If you have more questions, PLEASE send me a message or even comment below. I promise I will answer them the best way I can!!!
And yes, I totally know I switched back and forth from first and third person. Totally annoying, right? Blame it on pregnancy brain. I am sure there are TONS of typos in this too. I will fix it when Alisha tells me all the mistakes I made.
This was one of Alisha's edits. Lawd:
http://www.nickisdiapers.com/giftregistry_home.asp?action=view&id=36223
-Kate
Baby of Mine
"Let there be peace down in your soul, for the things of this world we can't control"
-Kristy Lee, Baby of Mine
The title of our blog comes from the Kristy Lee's song Baby of Mine. For those of you who have followed our journey over these years, you know how moving that line is for us. I am petrified to start this blog because I have yet to find that peace in my soul. As I logged in to blogger, I found my blog from our first failed adoption and my heart stopped. I do not know if I can handle having another blog and no baby. However, I promised my friends dealing with infertility that I would keep all my pregnancy posts off facebook and I intend to keep that promise (even though I have failed so far, sorry about that). So I am finally starting this blog and hoping that it is filled with more joy than sorry.
Check out Baby of Mine here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY-Gccakpf8
-Kristy Lee, Baby of Mine
The title of our blog comes from the Kristy Lee's song Baby of Mine. For those of you who have followed our journey over these years, you know how moving that line is for us. I am petrified to start this blog because I have yet to find that peace in my soul. As I logged in to blogger, I found my blog from our first failed adoption and my heart stopped. I do not know if I can handle having another blog and no baby. However, I promised my friends dealing with infertility that I would keep all my pregnancy posts off facebook and I intend to keep that promise (even though I have failed so far, sorry about that). So I am finally starting this blog and hoping that it is filled with more joy than sorry.
Check out Baby of Mine here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fY-Gccakpf8
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